decisions, decisions...

first of all, i have really been a bad blogger. sorry.

that probably does not concern most of you...because this is mostly a place for me to document what has been going on this past year. i want proof. : )

so i see it has been over a month since i last wrote. i enjoyed thanksgiving with all my family back in neenah, wi. it was so much fun to see my nieces.

love them! i am going to meet them for lunch tomorrow before they head up to see my sister-in-law's family for christmas. hopefully i will also get to see them before they head back to kentucky.

the beginning of december also brought jacob and my anniversary. four years! we went to dinner bar la grassa, watched (most) of the holidazzle and went to see "skyfall." it was wonderful.

weight update time!

i lost 1.8 pounds this week for a total of 65.8 - woo hoo! this puts me 0.8 away from my initial goal. part of me is wondering whether or not i should stop at that point or keep going... with the personal training, i think i may be able to lose a little more. i really want to get a flat tummy!

some photo evidence.

my photographer insisted that we also take a "behind" shot. i kind of wish i had done that from the beginning. 

here are the past two weeks as well.

i am very happy to be on vacation until january 2. we are celebrating christmas tomorrow with jacob's mom and her family. we will go to his dad's house on monday to celebrate with his family. we also decided to drive to neenah for a visit and see some friends! 

i also somehow got volunteered to make dessert for tomorrow. i have never done the "christmas cookie" thing before so send good baking thoughts my way.

shopping has never been so stressful

well, today was the big day. i finally went shopping (with some trusty personal shoppers - thanks, ladies!) for clothes that fit.

it was a very overwhelming experience. now 60 pounds down, it is very hard to see myself in this "new" way. i have a hard time believing smaller sizes fit and that it does not look too tight. luckily, i had two very supportive companions helping me out. i think i got the hang of it by the end of the afternoon.

here is what i got...

white shirt & kelly green pants - gap

 jeans - gap

teal sweater & jeans - nordstrom

 black skirt & purple tank - nordstrom

black blazer - nordstrom

 pink sweater - nordstrom

cream cardigan & denim button-up - nordstrom

black pants - the limited

additionally, i bought a pair of skinny jeans that are being hemmed at nordstrom and hopefully can be picked up before the end of this coming week. 

did i spend a lot of money? yes. much more than i anticipated. i figure, though, that most of the pieces i got can be mixed and matched so i should get a lot of use out of everything. the only purchase i am still debating over is the pink sweater. it was the priciest item AND it is cashmere which means dry clean only - i hate clothes that are dry clean only. then again, the skirt is too so i will see how i feel over the next week.

and, as i promised jacob, i did not buy shoes, purses or jewelry.

sorry about the lighting, the flash on the camera was making my eyes look wonky. : )

on the up & up

this has been an icky week - i have been sick since last thursday night and only just started feeling better today. being sick is the WORST. i left school early on friday, stayed home monday, and left early again yesterday. i finally went to the doctor and aside from suggesting that i take my migraine medicine, he did not have a definite reason as to why i was feeling so bad. luckily, taking the migraine medicine seemed to work and i feel (mostly) like myself again. : )

weight-wise, i was up again on saturday. THOSE FREAKIN' THREE POUNDS. even though i was sick, i still had an appetite and was eating pretty normally. i noticed this morning the number was down again so i hope i can maintain it until saturday. jacob and i did go for a walk tonight. it was nice to get outside for a bit. 

remember that black dress from the other week? well, i went back to target and got it in blue. 

pardon the hair and glasses, i was still feeling a bit "off" when i was getting ready. 

my first personal training session is tomorrow with melvin at la fitness. my only request will be for him not to make me cry.

looking good, billy ray! feeling good, louis!

last week was a very good week.

something "clicked" and i was able to make it to this past saturday for an amazing weigh-in. as i already posted this weekend, i was down 4.4 lb and back into the 140's. woo hoo!

i talked with my leader about a goal weight and she told me to think about it over the next week.what a difficult decision to make! when i joined la fitness last week, the personal trainer gave me a number but my leader (not to mention me!) thinks it is not realistic. what to do!?

do i go for the lower number or the one that is maintainable? UGH.

i am proud of all my activity that i have been doing - personal training, zumba, soccer, walking - so much more than i did all summer.

me this week.

new dress from target! :)

hoping more trick-or-treaters show up this year than last - pretty sure the biggest group we had was a bunch of high schoolers!

back on track

so, yes, i was up 0.8 last saturday but i am already doing better and weighed back in the 140s this morning. thank you to all of you who provided such supportive comments and advice. it is nice to know how many of you read my silly little blog. it means a tremendous amount to me.

i had a lovely weekend hanging out with my parents. we did some shopping (like always!) and i actually cooked dinner for them on saturday. it is always intimidating to cook for my mom because to me, she is the best cook in the world (jacob is a very close second). BUT, she had lots of compliments to give about the fajitas which made me feel good. can you tell i am a mama's girl? : )

during my day off last friday, i decided to join la fitness. i have a friend who belongs and i thought it would be a good idea to go to a gym with someone. i am having a personal fitness assessment tomorrow night and i am going to try zumba...i am a little nervous about it. i would not call myself a stellar dancer nor someone with tons of rhythm so i will just keep my fingers crossed that i do not make too big of a fool of myself.

here is to staying on the right path! i am feeling very motivated again. jacob and i went on a 2.57 mile walk tonight (though we did get dessert afterwards...). new pictures:

looking forward to a massage on wednesday (woo hoo!), more chiropractor visits for my messed up neck and back (did i tell you all that i crashed and totaled my car???) and some halloween parties this weekend.

a bit in the doldrums

as i have stated recently, i am just not doing a good job with this journey lately.

call it stress...laziness...fatigue...indifference...?

i was down a pound on saturday which i should have been happy about. but i still had the other two pounds that i had gained on my mind. then i had birthday cake on sunday...and buffalo wild wings on monday...and i am currently avoiding the scale.

i got to figure this out. i am so close to being done, it would be a shame (and incredibly disheartening) to end it now.

here is me on day one of conferences.

 full day of conferences tomorrow, mea events on thursday and i will be FREE on friday. parents are coming to town so "healthy eating" will once again be my downfall...

frustration station revisited

two posts in two days might be a new record.

but what did i do last night after we got home from running errands? ate. and ate. and ate. even though i used all my points up at dinner.

what is the deal?!?!?!

i literally could not resist the monster cookies leftover from football sunday (jacob's step-mom left us some) not to mention...ALL. THE. KETTLE. CORN.

i am SO disappointed in myself. and we all know that someone being disappointed with you is SO MUCH WORSE than someone just being mad at you.

and then i step on the scale in the morning expecting results...

UGH.

i feel like i am sabotaging myself. i worked hard for ten months and i feel like i am throwing it all away. and for what? cookies? dumb. it is so dumb.

i am so proud of what i have accomplished and i really need a turnaround in my attitude. a sorority sister - what up, missy! - suggested bob harper's "the skinny rules" and i ordered it last night. she has lost a ton of weight too so i figure she knows what she is talking about!

just trying to think positive (and lovely) thoughts. send your vibes my way!

i am my own worst enemy

good morning.

i want to complain, "woe is me" but i know that the struggles i have been experiencing of late are totally, completely, 100% my fault.

i recently have been stuck in this mindset of "i am sick of not eating what i want to eat when i want to eat it so i am going to eat it anyhow even if i do not have any points left and it is wednesday and i somehow have to make it until saturday."

phew. that was a lot to get off my chest.

but i feel like i have to be honest about where i am right now before i can move forward and do something different. until you admit there is a problem you cannot fix it, right? 

so. i have a problem. 

i am eating even when i run out of points. i am not being careful about what i order when i go out to restaurants. i am not being a thoughtful planner about my meals. 

my new plan of attack is to use my "extra" points on the weekends and just use them sparingly the rest of the week. i have also been really getting into earning activity points through my activelink. it plans a program for you with daily goals and i get so competitive with myself to reach (or exceed) 100% everyday. i want to continue challenging myself to be active. i want to challenge myself to have more self-control with my meals. i also think i need to eat more at breakfast and less at lunch. i use too many points midday! lastly, i want to try and get through friday without having a "treat" at school - those doughnuts are deadly and not very filling.

other than that, i had an AMAZING weekend. i went with friends to sever's corn maze down in shakopee. we made our way through the maze, jumped on some "pillows," raced through a corn pit, visited the petting zoo, and shot some pumpkins. i had dinner with jacob at burger jones for his friend's birthday and i did NOT order a burger but some chicken. yesterday, i played two soccer games and then we entertained lots of folks during the football games. we were so busy that time just seemed to get away and now here i am back at work on monday. i am excited for u of m homecoming this upcoming weekend though we have to skip the parade this year due to jacob's work schedule. he is bummed that he is missing it but i am excited that we can at least go to the football game. 

here is me, up three pounds from last week.

now, i know that most of you are probably thinking, 'shut up, three pounds is not a big deal and you look the same so why are you making a big deal about it?' - which i totally agree with! and in the overall journey of weight loss, ups and downs are normal. but it is still frustrating! and this is my outlet for complaining so i have said what i needed to say and i shall move onwards. 

here is to a positive weigh-in this coming saturday! and by positive, i of course mean negative, as in losing. so confusing. : ) 

short & sweet

i am happy to report that i had a very good week through last weigh-in. i was down 2.6, including the 0.2 that i had been up the previous week. woo hoo! it is so exciting to be in the 140s...i really cannot remember if i have ever been this small before. i feel like during high school i might have been in the 150s but quickly rose to the 170s by the time i was finished student teaching in 2007. 

anyhow! new pictures: 

i have also been wearing the activelink that weight watchers recently put out. it is supposed to track my activity points more accurately. i am currently finishing up the eight day assessment and then it will map out a twelve week program for me to complete. it literally tells you NOT to do anything differently during the assessment but jacob and i went on a three mile walk tonight. oops.

that is all i got today! looking forward to this weekend already - going with friends to sever's corn maze on saturday and having folks over on sunday for football watching.

"domination" station, indeed

this past saturday, i was up 0.2 lb. by sunday morning, i was down again. i wish i could "dominate" more regularly! i have actually been to the doctor recently about that very problem. she suggested a colonoscopy - GROSS. i am waiting for my new insurance cards to arrive before i schedule it...ugh.

anywho, more pleasant things occurred this weekend! let me share. we had a real date night on friday! it is very rare that we get to do that with jacob's schedule. we used a gift certificate to eat at the outback steakhouse and then went to see "end of watch." holy. crap. most realistic cop movie that i have ever seen. i was BAWLING through the end. i would highly recommend it.

saturday was the gopher against syracuse at the first night game of the season. it was SO cold. but they won! they actually picked the GOPHERS during espn's college game day. we NEVER get talked about on espn! as always, it was lots of fun and the people that sit behind us were very entertaining per usual. they used to be goldy in the early '90s. one of the guys says that he started the tradition of goldy doing push-ups after the football team scores. and that he was the first goldy to wear a cape. weird.

on sunday, i surprised jacob and cleaned - crazy. i am not domestic. i was working on laundry as well as going through my clothes to see what really does not fit anymore. my pants pile is now very small but you can actually slide the hangers back and forth!

and finally, here are my newest photo updates. i was told i looked very "trendy" today. not sure if it was a compliment or not. i guess i will take it either way.

i am hoping to get back into the 140s by the next weigh-in. i have been snacking too much at night again. i tried the theory of using more of my extra points over this past weekend so that i just do not have them available by friday. i need to stop eating out (or at least eating so much) on friday nights. i do not have much going on this week (at night) so i do not see an issue with using them up so early.

thank goodness for belts!

for most of my life, i have never been a fan of belts. my mother constantly bugged me about wearing one, making sure to point it out anytime i pulled my pants up a bit. truth be told, i never liked wearing belts because the buckle dug into my belly. whew. got that one out there. : )

but now...i really cannot wear most of my pants without a belt, which happen to be freakin' extra-larges. wearing a belt that is too big to hold up pants that are too big - i find it endlessly humorous.

as of this past saturday, i had officially lost 55 pounds. this morning, the scale was in the 140s, which i cannot even begin to believe. we will have to wait and see if i can hold that the rest of the week. i tend to weigh-in very low on mondays since i play two soccer games most sundays. by friday...it is a different story. the fact that i am so close to my goal weight is making me want to try a little harder to not be so cavalier with my extra 49 points this week.

here is me from last monday and today.

this is one of my ridiculous belts.

since the beginning of this journey, i have kept my starting and goal weights private. i have been debating recently about whether or not i want to share those numbers whenever i decide to be done. like i said from the start, it was never about a specific "number" (though to be a lifetime/free member of weight watchers, you need to be within a certain range...) but about feeling better about myself. i definitely feel better about myself. and i am starting to think that i every right to be proud of whatever the total loss ends up being. 

so, to all my readers, this is my promise that when i hit my goal weight - which is seriously, like, 6-7 pounds away - i will share my beginning and ending weights. i mean, really - you know i will take a picture of the scale to prove it. : )

the scale does not lie...unfortunately

back at frustration station. was up 2.8 at today's weigh-in. UGH.

i know that i cannot be mad; i was the one who did not eat well this week. i ran out of my weekly 49 extra points on like, tuesday...which means the beer, nachos, popcorn, candy and donut (ok, it might have been donutS...) that i ate yesterday was definitely NOT the wisest move before a weigh-in.

i was telling (ok, ok, lamenting...) to jacob that i think i have been going through a phase where i just do not want to say "no" anymore. which is ridiculous! i know it is not about saying no but about figuring out how to have what you want in an appropriate portion.

i wanted to avoid the weigh-in this morning but know that i needed to see the number and have it recorded in order to move forward. i had my 26 points today and nothing extra. i just need to go back to the basics.

on a more positive note, i was able to go to a twins game last night with meg and dave - first one for me this season. but they lost. of course. : )

today was also the home opener for gopher football!!!! it was so much fun to actually see them WIN. and i do NOT care that it was against new hampshire. a win is a win is a win. and we take all the wins we can get. i posted a bunch of photos on facebook today and did my best at being "cool" by finally downloading instagram. some of the shots i took with it actually turned out well! here are some of others.

 sitting in traffic on university. i told him to look "happy."

 we had heard that hardly any student tickets had been sold...you can see close at the top that there were a LOT of empty seats in the upper student section.

 they took the final score off the big board quickly so this was the only one still up to prove that yes, we really did win! 

one last thing - GO PACK GO! oh yeah, nfl season is in full swing too!

i need this shirt.

i am for sure watching the game tomorrow and then meeting up with friends at pinstripes in edina for dinner.

great weekend!!!!!